That Ain't Caviar

Some people say that puppies are like toddlers.  They have way more energy than you do, they put everything in their mouths, and no matter how well you think you "babyproofed" the house, they will find the one thing you left within reach and destroy it.  But there is one glaring difference between puppies and toddlers that I think many new parents take for granted.

Toddlers wear diapers.

Now, I for one certainly do not begrudge a puppy for answering the call of nature, and answering that call pretty much wherever they happen to be standing at the moment.  That's just how toddlers are.  These two pups had been stashed in this little crate for a good nine hours and I'm pretty sure the first thing on their mind upon getting out of there was "Where are the facilities?"  I was quite pleased (and very relieved!) to see that they had not pooped in the crate on the way over, and therefore covered each other in it by default.  Dogs have an innate desire not to soil their sleeping area and avoid doing their business there, but let's face it, even the most hardy of us can't hold it together for nine hours.  So when we got home and put the crate to the back yard and popped open the little door, I fully expected them to creep out and immediately high tail it to the grass and assume the position.  Which is exactly what they did!  All over the place in fact, and numerous times.  No worries, it all picks up with pooper-scoopers and bags.  But it's what came next that was both truly bizarre and not just a little bit horrifying.

They pooped, then whipped around and gobbled it up. 

What the hell???  This primal ritual was yet another indication that I certainly did not know all there was to know about the puppy mind.  What could possibly possess a pup to think that this was a delicacy?  These guys didn't just eat it, mind you, they devoured it, like it was the last jelly donut in the police station break room.  I had to physically hold Leila at bay as we were both vying for the sacred turd, but for vastly different reasons.  This new behavior led to the newest in what would become a series of household rules: supervise the puppies at all times when they are outside.  Stand in wait with plastic bag and paper towel at the ready.  Being young ones, the pups had to answer this particular call many times per day, and as I was soon to find out, night as well.  Picture me in my pajama pants, t-shirt, flannel jacket, Hawaiian-print flip-flops and flashlight at 3:30 a.m. on the cold wet grass trying to track down dog doo and getting it scooped up before it's owner got to it first.  Not a pretty sight on so many levels.

A few days later (and many poop battles, only a few of which I won) we took the pups into the vet for an initial check-up.  Needless to say, the poo-eating was at the top of my list of questions.  I was fully expecting the vet to rail me about what an irresponsible pet-owner I was to let such a vile ritual take place.  What do I do?  Do I change their dog food?  Get them a food additive?  Stomach pump?  Psychiatrist, maybe?  He just laughed and explained the term for this habit is called coprophagia.  I'm not sure what was more disturbing, the fact that it really wasn't that big of a deal or that it was so common they actually had a term for it.  He gave me a food additive powder to sprinkle over their dinner which will supposedly take the yummy protein smell (and taste, I hope!) out of the poop and they will leave it alone.  I did as I was instructed and was amazed to see that the pups made an all-out effort to eat the all around the powdered puppy kibble and hoover up only the un-sprinkled bits.  They were on to my ploy!  This was going to be a battle of wits, and I had the feeling I was on the losing side already.

Why had I spent $50 on cute-shaped puppy treats when all I had to do was grab a bag-load of faux-Tootsie rolls from the back lawn?   Stay tuned......